Sugar Rush

Have you ever felt like you are not good in anything? You might think that you have a great voice but, turns out, the person beside you is so much better than you. I think that all of us have our own insecurities. We are surrounded by images of the perfect person. Just grab a fashion magazine and your self-esteem will deflate to zero. Let me tell you this: THOSE IMAGES AREN’T REAL! Media is constantly bombarding us with these frustrating images of "perfection". Let me share a secret. Try accepting yourself for what you are and you will never suffer from low self-esteem. It is a horrible feeling and I know it. I’ve experienced it. Instead of being jealous of the other person’s capabilities, why don’t we focus on developing our own strengths and acknowledge our weaknesses? Stop feeling inferior! But don’t be overly superior. Too much of these two are bad for your health.

For our last Psych. activity, our class spent 3 hours at Cafe Antonio talking about life and everything. We shared stories about regret, bitterness, etc. while drinking a glass of Blue Crush and eating chocolate cake. While I was listening to my classmates talk about their experiences in life, I realized that I was so into my little world that I failed to notice what the others are doing. This culminating activity really helped me open my eyes and tell me, "Hey! You’re not alone in this cruel world!" I already knew these things before. Maybe all I need was a little nudge to make me appreciate the beauty of the world. We have to live our lives to the fullest. Life is indeed too short. I want to be what I want to be, do what I want to do, go where I want to go because I only have one life and one chance to do the things I have to do. I want to be able to say "I’m glad I did this" rather than " I wish I did that." 

Did you ever feel that you’re so absorbed in your own little world that you have never seen the other side? That you have taken for granted everything in your life that when you finally have the chance to escape from Rapunzel’s tower you feel like you’re a little child seeing the harshness of the real world for the first time? Well…I have. And it wasn’t a good feeling at all. My friend and I went to a certain school to do a survey for one of our major subjects. When we got there, I immediately saw the difference. I really can’t explain it but I felt it. As we were walking around the school, their eyes would fall on our school ID’s and…well…It was a superiority-inferiority feeling. I don’t know. Others were nasty to us while others were really good and friendly. Why does the superiority-inferiority thing have to exist in the world? Can’t we just forget the barriers society had built and treat each other as equals? You don’t have to shout out to the world that you are better than the others because you go to a good school, you wear nice clothes, you have money, you’re intelligent enough to attend a high standard school, that you’re more good-looking, etc. Why can’t we just forget all that and live happily? It just disappoints me that even the well-educated person fall into the trap of showing off what they have.

As I sit here in front of the computer while I sip my Nescafe Ice, a thought entered my mind. I can’t believe what a wreck I became these past few weeks. I became irritable, I kept on whining and complaining about my being a loser. But I was acting the wrong way after all. I can’t even believe myself. I have shown the world what a pathetic, insecure girl I was. I have been telling myself that it’s okay to lose. That maybe God has a purpose. That maybe my prayers are at work because I’d constantly pray to Him that I wanted to be me, only better. I guess that all this events helped me improve and learn from my mistakes. Or simply accept the fact that something is just not for me and appreciate the beauty of life instead. But, then again, I really can’t interpret everything that happens to me as a good thing. I’m only human. But as a human being, I’m given the oppurtunity to think and improve myself by looking at both sides of the coin. Thinking optimistically really has its perks.

I think you’d wonder right now if I’d tell you, after all the complaining about the speech choir, that Speech became my fave subject. Why? First, I love talking and our Speech teacher helped me become more confident whenever I talk. My fave activity during the first half of the semester was when we were in the Speech Lab. We learned how to pronounce words correctly. Second, I really like our teacher. Even though she did seem strict at first, she really is friendly and I really have to thank her for choosing our section to compete in the Contest Piece category. She may have been makulit but it was for the best because she knew that we had the skill, the potential to do well and all she did was bring out the best in each and every one of us because she believed we can do better. Third, I like my classmates. We are definitely well mixed nuts in the class. We have a motherly figure, an ate, a pasaway, etc. During our Speech Choir practices, it was like being inside the Big Brother House. We experienced ups and downs. We have seen each other cry, get mad, go crazy, fired up and determined to do our best. I’m going to miss those guys! And last, I can’t trade the experience for anything in the whole, wide world. Our Speech Choir may not have been perfect but it was PRICELESS.

Have you ever had the feeling that you did your best and you’re confident that you won this time but it turns out you didn’t? I have. And it really hurt. Last Saturday was the Speech Choir finals. I really loved our costume and our performance was really good. We prayed hard that night before and after the performance. When the winner was announced, tears beagan to well up in my eyes. The past rejections just came crashing to me. And I realized that I really am a pathetic loser. I began to ask myself that night before going to sleep, "What does it feel like to win?" I was so immune to the feeling of disappointment and rejection at that time so I recovered easily the next morning. Then, I learned from a very reliable source that we lost by a measly 2 points! Yes, you may say that 2 points is just 2 points. But it was just the costume! We were dressed up as elegant, pixie-like creatures who could give love by using magic or something. Argh! I need to recover from this state of shock…